Thursday, April 20, 2006
THE LEGEND OF VISCERA MAN: The quick trip to X-Entertainment this morning reminded me that when they started a few years ago, they were about more than buying snack food 15-20 years past its expiry date and opening the packages to describe how rancid smelling it is now. For a brief moment or two at the beginning, it was also about seeing what you could get away with on eBay if you just attached a good story to any old crap you had lying around. Ah, we were all so innocent then.
And when we talk about X-E and eBay, I suppose we can't leave out the Green Bamboo Mystery Peanut. It's all good.
And when we talk about X-E and eBay, I suppose we can't leave out the Green Bamboo Mystery Peanut. It's all good.
|| Eric 2:52 PM#
JUST SHUT DOWN MY ARTERIES RIGHT NOW: In the past few years, Hardee's has become the anti-Subway, unapologetically serving up huge hamburgers and telling the kids to stay at home if they know what's good for them. If you've been in a long-time Hardee's market, long before it became part of the Carl's Jr. empire, you'll remember the goofy buildings they used until the late 70s, the roof looking like a circus tent. It was a decent enough place to go, and the first mushroom Swiss hamburger in town, but secretly you knew there were McDonaldland Cookies and Quarter Pounders a few blocks down the street, its siren call beckoning you to dash yourself against its rocky shores and cash in your gift certificates.
At the turn of the millennium, Hardee's came across as a trifle bush league; it was just there. In fact, when they started pushing in this new direction, they bagged on their own image as passable but substandard grub. And now, Hardee's--North Carolina's own, even though it's run out of Missouri now--is at the pinnacle of fast food decadence, ripping open its shirt, thumping its chest, screaming at the elements.
All this is why I got more than a little bit of satisfaction from the news that their solution to getting the authentic taste in their new Philly Cheesesteak Thickburger was basically "Oh, what the hell, let's just put some steak on top of the burger." That's not a recipe choice, friends, that's a challenge. Did the Big Mac break your back, pudd'n? Then allow me to crush you thoroughly with this vicious slab of ground Angus. Here, have some more meat on top of that. Chew every bite, punk. Can't hang? There's the door. Tell Ronald McDonald that his sister said I was the best she ever had.
The best part is that for all this yip from the health-conscious, the new sandwich isn't even the "worst" part of the menu. To give you an idea of the slope we're sliding down, first take a steaming gawk at the Swanson's All Day Breakfast. 1,030 calories in a single microwaveable meal. Contemplate for a moment all the breakfast meats and starches it takes to bring such a thing into being, and the daily value percentages on the nutritional information. With that fresh in your mind, consider this: one Hardee's Monster Thickburger by itself--no fries, no drink--is 1,420 calories, and the food pyramid recommends 2,000 calories a day. Needless to say, this is not a sandwich to be trifled with. It will beat you up and steal your wallet if you show any signs of weakness.
Do I want one? Oh, hell yes, I do.
At the turn of the millennium, Hardee's came across as a trifle bush league; it was just there. In fact, when they started pushing in this new direction, they bagged on their own image as passable but substandard grub. And now, Hardee's--North Carolina's own, even though it's run out of Missouri now--is at the pinnacle of fast food decadence, ripping open its shirt, thumping its chest, screaming at the elements.
All this is why I got more than a little bit of satisfaction from the news that their solution to getting the authentic taste in their new Philly Cheesesteak Thickburger was basically "Oh, what the hell, let's just put some steak on top of the burger." That's not a recipe choice, friends, that's a challenge. Did the Big Mac break your back, pudd'n? Then allow me to crush you thoroughly with this vicious slab of ground Angus. Here, have some more meat on top of that. Chew every bite, punk. Can't hang? There's the door. Tell Ronald McDonald that his sister said I was the best she ever had.
The best part is that for all this yip from the health-conscious, the new sandwich isn't even the "worst" part of the menu. To give you an idea of the slope we're sliding down, first take a steaming gawk at the Swanson's All Day Breakfast. 1,030 calories in a single microwaveable meal. Contemplate for a moment all the breakfast meats and starches it takes to bring such a thing into being, and the daily value percentages on the nutritional information. With that fresh in your mind, consider this: one Hardee's Monster Thickburger by itself--no fries, no drink--is 1,420 calories, and the food pyramid recommends 2,000 calories a day. Needless to say, this is not a sandwich to be trifled with. It will beat you up and steal your wallet if you show any signs of weakness.
Do I want one? Oh, hell yes, I do.
|| Eric 8:29 AM#
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
ALL THE LITTLE DEVILS BETTER LEARN TO ICE SKATE: I never thought I'd live to see the day. I saw Osward the Rabbit returned to the Disney studio. I saw peace in the Middle East, I saw peace in the Middle East fall apart. I even saw George W. Bush become a second termer.
But this...this is too much. Apple is providing software to help you run Microsoft Windows on their newer Intel-based Macs. The original one-size-fits-all-and-the-sleeves-will-ride-up-with-wear OS can now reside on a computer so protective of its turf that you once had to be a lockpicker just to open the case.
I've never owned a Mac in my life and haven't been keeping up with the latest trends on the Apple side, so this is all a bit jarring to my eyes. What other hell-freezes-over developments can we expect in the future? Microsoft Linux? Bill Gates throwing open the source code? The RIAA saying "the hell with it" and throwing open the cookie jar? Stay tuned...
But this...this is too much. Apple is providing software to help you run Microsoft Windows on their newer Intel-based Macs. The original one-size-fits-all-and-the-sleeves-will-ride-up-with-wear OS can now reside on a computer so protective of its turf that you once had to be a lockpicker just to open the case.
I've never owned a Mac in my life and haven't been keeping up with the latest trends on the Apple side, so this is all a bit jarring to my eyes. What other hell-freezes-over developments can we expect in the future? Microsoft Linux? Bill Gates throwing open the source code? The RIAA saying "the hell with it" and throwing open the cookie jar? Stay tuned...
|| Eric 9:23 AM#
Saturday, April 01, 2006
THE UNADULTERATED HORROR: You want something to cry about? I'LL give to cry about...
You'll curse the day you were born...question your belief in GAWWWWWWWWWWD...maybe even take a Scientology personality test.
Or maybe you'll just drink...but YOU MUST FOLLOW THIS LINK. THE MOST BRUTAL WEB ANIMATION EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
http://tinyurl.com/7qv3t
I...I just don't know if I can do this anymore after THAT.
Yeah, I noticed the date on the top line. What's your point?
You'll curse the day you were born...question your belief in GAWWWWWWWWWWD...maybe even take a Scientology personality test.
Or maybe you'll just drink...but YOU MUST FOLLOW THIS LINK. THE MOST BRUTAL WEB ANIMATION EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
http://tinyurl.com/7qv3t
I...I just don't know if I can do this anymore after THAT.
Yeah, I noticed the date on the top line. What's your point?
|| Eric 12:11 AM#
