Thursday, April 20, 2006
JUST SHUT DOWN MY ARTERIES RIGHT NOW: In the past few years, Hardee's has become the anti-Subway, unapologetically serving up huge hamburgers and telling the kids to stay at home if they know what's good for them. If you've been in a long-time Hardee's market, long before it became part of the Carl's Jr. empire, you'll remember the goofy buildings they used until the late 70s, the roof looking like a circus tent. It was a decent enough place to go, and the first mushroom Swiss hamburger in town, but secretly you knew there were McDonaldland Cookies and Quarter Pounders a few blocks down the street, its siren call beckoning you to dash yourself against its rocky shores and cash in your gift certificates.
At the turn of the millennium, Hardee's came across as a trifle bush league; it was just there. In fact, when they started pushing in this new direction, they bagged on their own image as passable but substandard grub. And now, Hardee's--North Carolina's own, even though it's run out of Missouri now--is at the pinnacle of fast food decadence, ripping open its shirt, thumping its chest, screaming at the elements.
All this is why I got more than a little bit of satisfaction from the news that their solution to getting the authentic taste in their new Philly Cheesesteak Thickburger was basically "Oh, what the hell, let's just put some steak on top of the burger." That's not a recipe choice, friends, that's a challenge. Did the Big Mac break your back, pudd'n? Then allow me to crush you thoroughly with this vicious slab of ground Angus. Here, have some more meat on top of that. Chew every bite, punk. Can't hang? There's the door. Tell Ronald McDonald that his sister said I was the best she ever had.
The best part is that for all this yip from the health-conscious, the new sandwich isn't even the "worst" part of the menu. To give you an idea of the slope we're sliding down, first take a steaming gawk at the Swanson's All Day Breakfast. 1,030 calories in a single microwaveable meal. Contemplate for a moment all the breakfast meats and starches it takes to bring such a thing into being, and the daily value percentages on the nutritional information. With that fresh in your mind, consider this: one Hardee's Monster Thickburger by itself--no fries, no drink--is 1,420 calories, and the food pyramid recommends 2,000 calories a day. Needless to say, this is not a sandwich to be trifled with. It will beat you up and steal your wallet if you show any signs of weakness.
Do I want one? Oh, hell yes, I do.
At the turn of the millennium, Hardee's came across as a trifle bush league; it was just there. In fact, when they started pushing in this new direction, they bagged on their own image as passable but substandard grub. And now, Hardee's--North Carolina's own, even though it's run out of Missouri now--is at the pinnacle of fast food decadence, ripping open its shirt, thumping its chest, screaming at the elements.
All this is why I got more than a little bit of satisfaction from the news that their solution to getting the authentic taste in their new Philly Cheesesteak Thickburger was basically "Oh, what the hell, let's just put some steak on top of the burger." That's not a recipe choice, friends, that's a challenge. Did the Big Mac break your back, pudd'n? Then allow me to crush you thoroughly with this vicious slab of ground Angus. Here, have some more meat on top of that. Chew every bite, punk. Can't hang? There's the door. Tell Ronald McDonald that his sister said I was the best she ever had.
The best part is that for all this yip from the health-conscious, the new sandwich isn't even the "worst" part of the menu. To give you an idea of the slope we're sliding down, first take a steaming gawk at the Swanson's All Day Breakfast. 1,030 calories in a single microwaveable meal. Contemplate for a moment all the breakfast meats and starches it takes to bring such a thing into being, and the daily value percentages on the nutritional information. With that fresh in your mind, consider this: one Hardee's Monster Thickburger by itself--no fries, no drink--is 1,420 calories, and the food pyramid recommends 2,000 calories a day. Needless to say, this is not a sandwich to be trifled with. It will beat you up and steal your wallet if you show any signs of weakness.
Do I want one? Oh, hell yes, I do.
|| Eric 8:29 AM#
