Tiny Money Land

TOONS, TOONS, TOONS: Just got through watching an episode of Cartoon Network's Teen Titans series, a combination of the established WB superhero style and anime. The makers of this series actually seem to be favoring the lineup from the New Teen Titans comics of the early 80s (quick review: didn't see 'em, but great word of mouth), so Robin (the Tim Drake version, via Batman:TAS) is the only sidekick you'll be getting, and as the main character with an off-series pedigree fills the leader role reasonably well. Cyborg (self-explanatory), Beast Boy (a shapeshifter), Raven (goth chick with dark, dark powers), and Starfire (an aggressively cheerful alien cutie who's also painfully awkward at times) round out the rest of the team. The accent is on the TEEN here, with intramural squabbles and whatnot, so the result is an action comedy that did the job for me.

Anyway, it works out much better than the all-CGI Spider Man series that debuted recently on MTV. The storytelling, from the episode I sampled, doesn't really seem to be too bad, but the computer animation is strictly videogame. The action scenes flash along at high-speed and are fairly slick, but when we get to scenes with regular people standing around talking (which is a little over 3/4ths of what I saw), that's when we hit the wall. First off, although it's 3D modelling all the way, the characters have drawn lines around them, a stylistic touch I found a bit distracting. Please say it with me: computer animation looks wrong when you use it to animate people. That's why Pixar makes their cartoons about toys, bugs and fish. In this case, the people have hair that stays perfectly frozen in the same position, no matter what angle the character's head is at or how hard they're shaking it...a mistake that most of the recent traditionally-animated superhero cartoons don't make. There's also the matter of the showy, constantly moving camera which worked against a lot of scenes in my opinion.

I know I'm picky; maybe I got spoiled by the Final Fantasy movie. I'm just an adherent to the idea that most of the time, technique shouldn't draw attention away from the story. Besides, in all likelihood, this show will evaporate without a trace like almost every other animated series MTV has touched with their short-attention-span-theater mentality.

(edit @ 9:32pm: some minor tweaks)  

A WONDERFUL BEDTIME STORY: I picked up a book at the thrift store called An Underground Education by Richard Zacks (do the Amazon thing, trust me; it's great stuff), and found a story worth repeating about medical practises in the time of the Crusades. This is an artful paraphrase of the original, in the interest of fair use doctrine.

This story was told by a 12th century Arab doctor, and it's worth noting, as Mr. Zacks does, that during the European Dark Ages, the Arabs had kept alive the Greek and Roman scientific theories that the Europeans had conveniently forgotten. This will become very obvious in a hurry. Anyway, the Arab doctor was consulting with his European colleagues, and treating a knight with an abscess on his leg and a woman with consumption. He put a poultice on the abscess, resulting in it opening and starting to heal, while he put the woman on a "cleansing" diet. Then the European doctor showed up.

Doctor European declared "THIS MAN DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO CURE THESE PEOPLE!" and proceeded to dispense what is referred to as "Heroic medicine", literally kill-or-cure. Do you remember the joke about the guy whose complaint about his headache got him a sharp kick in the shins ("Made you forget about the headache, didn't it?")? Amplify that a thousand times; that was "Heroic medicine".

SO ANYWAY, Doctor European turns to the knight and asks him if he wants to die with two legs or live with one, and the knight tells him he'd prefer to be alive with one. Dr. Europe calls for a strong man with a sharp axe, and when the man arrives, says "Strike a mighty blow, and cut cleanly!" The guy chops once, then chops again (since he didn't get a clean cut the first time). The result an instantaneous change in condition--dead knight.

Now comes the fun part. Dr. Europe turns to the woman and declares that a devil is in her head in love with her, so she is shaved bald and put back on her garlicy regular diet. Her condition turned bad again, so Dr. Europe cut a cross on her head with a razor, scooped out her brain and rubbed the inside of her skull with salt. Again, instant death.

At this point the Arab doctor (remember him?) asks if they had any more need for him, and when they said they didn't, he went on his way, marvelling at the interesting things he had learned about medicine that day.

Again, Mr. Zacks' book is entertaining in places, startling in others, but always a great read. Check it out if you can.  

WHAT I DID WITH MY AFTERNOON: Peanut butter cookies:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F, and cream together 1/2 cup butter or margarine and 1/2 cup peanut butter. Beat in 1/2 cup white sugar and 1/2 cup brown sugar. Add in 1 egg, 1/2 teaspoon vanilla, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon baking powder, 1 cup flour. Arange teaspoonsful on cookie sheet, flatten with floured spoon or mark with a floured fork (this is the way we do it here). Bake 10-15 minutes (I take them out when they just start to turn brown). You can get up to 60 cookies out of this, unless you're as sloppy as I am (I got 48). They turned out great; none burned, none killed the dog, and mom will be recovering soon.

I get bored, I try things like this. Learn to live with it. I have.  

ALL NEW! ALL SINGING! ALL DANCING!: Well, none of that's true, but I did decide to try a new template on for size (thanks, Martijn, you're a gem). I'll probably be tweaking it over the next few days and weeks to give it that lived-in look...

That's it...go away for now.  

AMERICAN IDIOT (or "When I think I'm out (of ammo against fools), they PULL ME BACK IN"):: Chaz was kind enough to bring this to everybody's attention. Apparently, after Clay lost the American Idol finals on Fox, a few thousand diehard supporters decided to write the FCC demanding an audited recount, since they thought the voting was FIXED.


(For those of you who haven't experienced this before, Evil E mode is now engaged...)


The fact that thousands of my fellow countrymen have built this American Idol cattle business up into an ominous JFK-style conspiracy against effiminate-looking pasty-white skinny boys while they seem perfectly alright with the idea that the "justifications" for the most recent war are falling apart like wet toilet tissue is a bit unsettling. These letters are still entertaining to read, especially the ones who think they're talking to the Fox producers instead of the FCC. People who can't figure out who can't figure out who is at the other end of an e-mail address that ends in fcc.com probably don't need to be taking very much anyway.


Some of the best lines: PEOPLE SHOULD BE HONEST AND TELL THE TRUTH! Although being honest by lying is a helluva trick if you can pull it off.


Even the OSCARS hire outside accounting firms, that independently verify. Gee, you don't suppose that's because the Oscars are a highly respected industry award with a huge amount of history on the line, while Idol is a frickin' game show. Maybe when AI has been on the air for 70 years, you can start making comparisons like that. "EVEN the Oscars" would imply that Anonymous Dork puts AI on a higher plane of existence...man, I love that type of uneducated chutzpah.


In a letter that was not only sent to the FCC, but cc:ed to Fox, MSNBC, Paramount, and the Drudge report (yeah, this'll top that Clinton scoop as a career-maker): "My support goes completely to Clay Aiken! What talent! What a remarkable human being and a role model for all of us!" Okay, let's make this one multiple choice:

A) "MAKE LOVE TO ME, CLAY! RIGHT HERE ON THE PIANO! HOLD ME TIGHT UNTIL YOU SNAP MY BACK IN YOUR MANLY ARMS!"

B) "I'm establishing the Church of Clay to further my belief system! We'll be doing personality tests on random people in the street, and advising members not to have anything to do with the Rubenites under pain of excommunitation! Scientology?! What's that?!"

C) "Now that I've seen perfection, I have nothing to live for! So I'm going to flog myself to death with this copy of the latest Rolling Stone! And I'm taking you with me!"

D) Eric, PLEASE move on...it's getting late, and you're getting stale. (Answer Key: If you chose "D", you get your wish)


At the end of the same letter: I'm voting with my wallet and they can't take that vote away from me!" (letter writer feels for wallet, watches as a pickpocket darts down the street yelling "RUBEN! RUBEN!") "Aw, dammit, not again..."



"I didn't think that controversy would be something that would come up because after all, this is just a TV show. And what did it matter anyway? But it does, when it challenges my beliefs of fair play and honesty, two things which are very important to me." Important enough to be swayed by the plight of a photogenic stranger in a contest you see on TV who still gets to make records and be on talk shows even though technically he LOST? Pardon me for not crying myself to sleep tonight. And anyway, we all know that fair play and honesty are a huge part of the recording industry, right? You can stop laughing any time now.


The line that really made me do a double take, though, was at the bottom of this last letter: How does FOX and/or the production company want to be know among viewers? Is honesty and integrity important or has making money always been the issue here? HELLO? When has THE FRICKIN' FRACKIN' FOX NETWORK EVER BEEN ABOUT INTEGRITY? Or anything OTHER than making money? Remember, this is the same network that ran hours and hours of videos of people caught screwing on hidden cameras and bears mauling kids before they bit the hook on the reality TV trend. Really folks, the Simpsons can only carry your credibility so far.


For what it's worth, I went to an actual locally-owned record store (NOT AMAZON, you lazy tools) the other day. There was a stack of Clay CD singles by the cash register, while they were down to their last Ruben. I should've pried a bit more into how the sales were going, and I just might the next time I go there, but the point remains: a lot of people in this country need to grow the hell up. It really is only television.


And yes, I say this knowing I just wasted a big chunk of blog real estate lacing into people lacing into a lighter-than-air TV show. Never said I didn't have room to improve. Just look at this haircut, for instance...

 

GEE, THANKS ROB: I figure I'd pass this one on, since Rob T. decided to pollute my mind with it. Basically, a little English girl won a Hulk doll at a seaside fair, took the pants off, and found...um...how to put this diplomatically? She found Tiny Hulk between the doll's legs.

Oh, where to begin...

• If you got a brand new Hulk doll, would your first thoughts be "HEY! Let's take it's breeches off!"?
• Comment to Rob: The doll's only a foot tall and the penis is two inches long. If all the parts are to scale and we blew him up to my height (5'8"), that would literally make the hot dog a foot long. A weapon of MASS DESTRUCTION. I do the math so you don't have to, no matter what the mortal consequences.
• Once again, we have a very solid (no pun intended) reason why the Hulk always has pants, no matter how big he becomes.

Ach, I think I got that out of my system...


AND SPEAKING OF WEENIES, if you haven't seen the Brewers mascot getting coldcocked by Randall Simon, this is the link you need to follow (thanks, Kel). As usual, the Delphi Gang winged a few good lines in.

More in a few...and good luck to Butch in Vegas.

 

Monopoly Indeed: Some of us have heard the story most of our lives; a guy, in and out of work during the early Depression years, invents a board game called Monopoly with the voluminous spare time semi-unemployed knockabouts seem to have (been there, done that). His friends started asking for sets of their own, so he made a few extras; they said he should market it, so he did. Then Parker Brothers bought his patents and kicked in a royalty on every game sold, and they all lived happliy ever after.

That was the official version, winged around for decades by PR flacks, and it's a nice little story on its own, about hard work paying off. The real story, however, is absolutely fascinating, and a bit more nefarious. If you go here, you'll get the full evolution of that rotten little game that takes all night to play, and here you'll find the gamemaker whose ten year court chase over his own Monopalike uncovered all the dark secrets.

 

Almost Interesting: I was checking out the WINE MS-Windows emulator for Linux, and tripped across the most interesting thing...check out this "why WINE?" page, particularly the part under the heading "Large homogeneous populations are a risk to society."

Another aspect is that such large homogeneous populations are dangerous to society. The irish learnt this the hard way when their potato crop was destroyed by a fungus, causing the 1845 "Potato Famine" and killing more than a million people (about 10% of the population). In a large homogeneous population, all individuals share the same vulnerabilities. Find one vulnerability and you can annihilate the whole population. Since then, we, as a society, have learnt our lesson. Or have we?

Man, I wonder if we're still talking about just software at this point...