Friday, January 14, 2005
BRAD AND JEN: I wasn't going to talk about the whole Brad and Jen thing, but then I realized that it hurts the kids the worst, the youngest ones who saw the love on VH1's Fabulous Life (or something) and can't understand. Really, in any divorce, it's the kids who hurt, and since they're celebrities, they have a lot of kids who follow their every move. So pull your confused, star-gazing young'uns around the monitor, and I'll explain it as best as I can.
(puts on a cosy sweater, starts up the comforting music)
Now, kids, I want you all to sit still and pay attention...You've probably already heard that Brad and Jennifer are splitting up. Sometimes people who love each other can't live with each other anymore. I just want you to know that it's the type of thing that happens every day. The only difference is that this time, it made the papers.
Sometimes, when the man wants to start a family, the woman doesn't. It doesn't mean she doesn't love babies...maybe she'd rather adopt, I don't know. Or maybe her favorite nanny got deported.
And sometimes, the man makes phone sex calls to Angelina Jolie, and the lady gets very, very mad when she listens in on the other extension. Especially if she's read that Angelina likes to sleep with her friends, or if she was creeped out by how "close" she is with her brother. But again, that's a perfectly normal reaction, and it doesn't make anybody a bad person, just weak. Well, depending on how you define "bad". And if you're really into spankings.
*sniff*
What? No, sweetie, daddy's not crying. Yes, I guess cheating on your wife IS bad. No, I don't know where the spanking thing came from, either.
Anyway, sometimes it's none of those reasons at all, but usually you have to go through their publicists to get a proper answer.
But I want you to know something, kids: it's not your fault. It just happens sometimes between grown-ups, and it doesn't mean that Brad and Jen will stop loving any of you any more than they already do. They'll just do it from different houses now. Maybe different phone lines. But really, it's nobody's fault. Well, it might be US Magazine's fault, but we're here to heal, not to hurt.
TODAY'S PLUG: Here's a guy who puts way too much thought into newspaper comic strips, and we are all much richer for the effort.
(puts on a cosy sweater, starts up the comforting music)
Now, kids, I want you all to sit still and pay attention...You've probably already heard that Brad and Jennifer are splitting up. Sometimes people who love each other can't live with each other anymore. I just want you to know that it's the type of thing that happens every day. The only difference is that this time, it made the papers.
Sometimes, when the man wants to start a family, the woman doesn't. It doesn't mean she doesn't love babies...maybe she'd rather adopt, I don't know. Or maybe her favorite nanny got deported.
And sometimes, the man makes phone sex calls to Angelina Jolie, and the lady gets very, very mad when she listens in on the other extension. Especially if she's read that Angelina likes to sleep with her friends, or if she was creeped out by how "close" she is with her brother. But again, that's a perfectly normal reaction, and it doesn't make anybody a bad person, just weak. Well, depending on how you define "bad". And if you're really into spankings.
*sniff*
What? No, sweetie, daddy's not crying. Yes, I guess cheating on your wife IS bad. No, I don't know where the spanking thing came from, either.
Anyway, sometimes it's none of those reasons at all, but usually you have to go through their publicists to get a proper answer.
But I want you to know something, kids: it's not your fault. It just happens sometimes between grown-ups, and it doesn't mean that Brad and Jen will stop loving any of you any more than they already do. They'll just do it from different houses now. Maybe different phone lines. But really, it's nobody's fault. Well, it might be US Magazine's fault, but we're here to heal, not to hurt.
TODAY'S PLUG: Here's a guy who puts way too much thought into newspaper comic strips, and we are all much richer for the effort.
|| Eric 2:44 PM#
