Monday, January 05, 2004
IT'S JUST A COMMERCIAL, JERKY: I just saw a delightful ad for Time-Warner Roadrunner high speed service just now. A guy is walking down the aisle of an airplane, waving his ticket in the faces of the seated people, whose smiles dissolve into expressions of shock and jealousy. His wife and kid trail along behind him, the child beaming, the wife shrugging in a "whaddya gonna do" expression, although she's digging the situation quite a bit. The guy and his family are shot in low angles, giving the impression a doughy jackass colossus and his supplicants. We get the seated people in point-of-view shots, so we can share his victory over second class vicariously.
(Full disclosure: Before anybody rags out my business, I'm also a doughy colossus of sorts, although the jackass designation is debatable.)
Then we cut to our hero in his dimly lit computer room, looking up ticket prices on a generic Priceline knockoff, because apparently the ad wizards didn't want to appear partisan to anybody who wasn't signing their checks.
The tagline was what I choked on: LEARN MORE, DO MORE, WIN AT LIFE.
Excuse me? WIN at life? Nobody WINS at life, because nobody gets out of it alive. It's a shallow life when a person walks down the street thinking "VICTORY IS MINE!" every waking moment. Doubly so if it's not in a religious context. "Last jelly doughnut at the Krispy Kreme! AND FRESH COFFEE, TOO! TRIUMPH OVER THE DULLARDS! You may now kiss my ring."
On the topic of learning more, I get the feeling that high speed Internet only helps you to be dumb faster. As for the other point, anybody who's followed this blog from the start knows I want to do BETTER, not necessarily MORE. I'd say MORE BETTER, but I speak muchly better gooder than that there thing.
Anyway, seeing how despised the hardcore jackasses (eventually) are makes me feel blessed that life has conspired to keep me humble. Now arise, my minions, and spread my works across the land like a pestilence.
Whoops, I meant to say that I was done. You may now kiss my ring.
(Full disclosure: Before anybody rags out my business, I'm also a doughy colossus of sorts, although the jackass designation is debatable.)
Then we cut to our hero in his dimly lit computer room, looking up ticket prices on a generic Priceline knockoff, because apparently the ad wizards didn't want to appear partisan to anybody who wasn't signing their checks.
The tagline was what I choked on: LEARN MORE, DO MORE, WIN AT LIFE.
Excuse me? WIN at life? Nobody WINS at life, because nobody gets out of it alive. It's a shallow life when a person walks down the street thinking "VICTORY IS MINE!" every waking moment. Doubly so if it's not in a religious context. "Last jelly doughnut at the Krispy Kreme! AND FRESH COFFEE, TOO! TRIUMPH OVER THE DULLARDS! You may now kiss my ring."
On the topic of learning more, I get the feeling that high speed Internet only helps you to be dumb faster. As for the other point, anybody who's followed this blog from the start knows I want to do BETTER, not necessarily MORE. I'd say MORE BETTER, but I speak muchly better gooder than that there thing.
Anyway, seeing how despised the hardcore jackasses (eventually) are makes me feel blessed that life has conspired to keep me humble. Now arise, my minions, and spread my works across the land like a pestilence.
Whoops, I meant to say that I was done. You may now kiss my ring.
|| Eric 4:21 PM#
