Sunday, August 31, 2003
DORK OF THE WEEK: The 18 year old high school kid who decided he wanted a piece of the Blaster magic and got arrested for his trouble. The AP description in the article tells you more than you'll ever need to know: "Parson, a 6-foot-4, 320-pound high school senior from Hopkins, spoke only in response to questions from the judge. He wore a T-shirt that read "Big Daddy" on the front and "Big and Bad" with a grizzly bear on the back. He sported metal stud under his lip and his hair was dyed blond on top and shaved close around the sides and back." That's always a great impression to make with the court. I'd ask if he couldn't have borrowed a proper suit from a relative, but I'm guessing none of them matched his proportions.
There are two other things in the article that make me think he's utterly and totally screwed. First, after he told the judge he had no income, no assets and only $3 in a savings account, he was assigned a public defender. If we read between the lines, and you know that I always try to, this tells us his quietly-weeping parents couldn't, wouldn't, or were asked NOT to help him. If it turns out the kid went for the third option, he's gonna get reamed. I don't know how to tell you this, but you're probably not going to get Sam Watterson if you go for court-appointed counsel; I don't care where you're from.
Second, and more importantly for our purposes of pointing and laughing, tell me if this picture reminds you of anyone on Eric's List of Unspeakable Internet Personalties. If you don't know the list, it's probably for the best. The quick summary: another GENIUS with a capital J, and nobody's going to confuse this guy for Kevin Mitnick anytime soon.
There are two other things in the article that make me think he's utterly and totally screwed. First, after he told the judge he had no income, no assets and only $3 in a savings account, he was assigned a public defender. If we read between the lines, and you know that I always try to, this tells us his quietly-weeping parents couldn't, wouldn't, or were asked NOT to help him. If it turns out the kid went for the third option, he's gonna get reamed. I don't know how to tell you this, but you're probably not going to get Sam Watterson if you go for court-appointed counsel; I don't care where you're from.
Second, and more importantly for our purposes of pointing and laughing, tell me if this picture reminds you of anyone on Eric's List of Unspeakable Internet Personalties. If you don't know the list, it's probably for the best. The quick summary: another GENIUS with a capital J, and nobody's going to confuse this guy for Kevin Mitnick anytime soon.
|| Eric 2:37 PM#
